btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
