The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
