Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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