so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
