I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
