It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
