I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
