just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize