I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
