that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
