i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
