Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
