i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
