i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
