It's like a parade of train wrecks.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize