I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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