Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
