ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
