I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
