yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We talked him into tasing himself.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
