I wanna bring you to show and tell
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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