When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
