I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
