I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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