I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
