PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
