Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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