My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize