Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just cropdusted the office
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We're too hungover to prance.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
