Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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