Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
