I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She even gives head with a lisp.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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