a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
