So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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