dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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