just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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