omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she peed on how many people?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
