What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
