i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
