And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
