Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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