Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
