when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
