you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
