Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
