she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Someone shattered a urinal.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
