They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
