do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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