talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Boobs speak an international language.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
