We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize