You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
