**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
