How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
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