By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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