I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
