Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
