Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
