he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
