which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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