I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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