Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
