How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
