dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
