i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it hurts more in the daytime
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize