Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
