Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize