he wants to bone in the snuggie
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
