That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize