Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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