Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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