What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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