fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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