I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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