I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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