I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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