How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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