I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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