It's Friday. Sex?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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