i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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