final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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