You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
