Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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