Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
