Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
