why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize