just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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