I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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