How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There are leaves in my underwear?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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