We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
