New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
