I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
