I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize