Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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