Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
