ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
