My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
