Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
