If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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