'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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