As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
