There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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