fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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